The Best Albums of 2009

2009: A Year Through Music

This year of economic hardship demanded that art, and specifically music, uplift and distract our worried minds. Moreover, with an increase of responsibility and "grown-up-ness" in my life, I looked to music for the balance and perspective in similar and evolving ways. Music released in 2009 represents, on the whole, the continued expansion of the "Indie" music movement which has allowed the artists writing and performing music to be more involved in the editing, producing, and advertising a record. The result is more thoughtful and genuine music.

1. The Top 10 Best Albums of 2009

1. Dirty Projectors - Bitte Orca
The excitement and creativity packed into this 9 song album is stimulating to say the very least. The groove present throughout is an amalgam of Afro pop guitar riffs meshed brilliantly with angelic harmonies of the three lovely female vocalists and has propelled this band to the forefront of the indie music scene. Their use of vocal parts as both a lyrical and percussive instruments has established the Dirty Ps signature style and furthermore, attracted the attention of big names in music (e.g. David Byrne, TV on the Radio, and ?uestlove). The complexity of this album and this band demands patience from a listener. For some of my wayward music friends (i.e. those of your more inclined to the poppy varietals) I ask that you put in the time to really listen to Bitte Orca. This album is anything but background noise, it demands to be heard and felt. This record is great for contemplation as it is great for dancing. For either endeavor, Bitte Orca is consistently the most beautiful and intriguing album I have heard this year.
Noteworthy tracks: Stillness is the Move, No Intention, Remade Horizon, Two Doves

2. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
The latest from the Panda Bear, Avey Tare, et. al is their most tangible and grounded album to date. Grounded because it calls upon more conventional melodies and even pop choruses, where past endeavors from this crew have tipped the "weird scale" and left listeners confused and/or unable to fully access or appreciate the music. Unlike their previous albums, MPP uplifts the band's complexity and the layers of sounds producing a feeling of euphoria throughout this entire record. From the first track, In the Flowers, the album inspires a feeling of hope, a belief in something bigger than yourself and the comfort we all can discover by being humbled. The underlying story told throughout is that we ought live a thoughtful and intentional life, be present with those we love, and respect the earth. With each listen the album continues to reveal more of itself and a new overwhelming flood of goose bumps.
Great songs: In the Flowers, My Girls, Brother Sport, Summertime Clothes

3. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
This album swept me off my feet. As an appreciator of Grizzly Bear for years, I was waiting for something to push me over the edge of full-fledged love for these gents. And if this acapella version of The Knife wasn't enough a nudge, Veckatimest was a welcomed shove. I love this record because it explores the beauty that emerges from dark sound. The vocal lines soar high through this album and at times the layered harmonies (I'm sensing a theme...) are subtly reminiscent of Brian Wilson and his "beachy" brothers. This album is perfect listen for a walk through a busy downtown or a scenic nature walk.

Good Ones to Hear: Two Weeks, Southern Point, Foreground

4. Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
With pep, vim and verve - zing, zip and ginger! this album stands as some of the most groovy and creative indie pop albums I've ever heard. Many of you have become familiar with their single 1901 in the latest Cadillac commercial, which is just the beginning of the genius this album possesses. Like Passion Pit, Phoenix gives me hope that not all is lost with pop music. Add heavy rock drumming, catchy guitar licks, and a seemless falsetto at the helm and you have a brilliant band.

Hot Spots: 1901, Lisztomania, Love Like A Sunset Part I & II, Rome

5. Kings of Convenience - Declaration of Dependence
I have been waiting for a new album from these Norsk joke-sters since I first gobbled up Quiet is the New Loud & Riot on Empty Streets (Thanks Dhue). With his solo success and side project The Whitest Boy Alive, I believe that Erlend Øye (lead singer and song writer for KoC) is one of the most creative and respected contemporary musicians. This album has helped further the apt comparison of Kings to this generation's Simon and Garfunkel. The simple melodies and flowing harmonies make DoD the most delightful, simple, and beautiful music of this year. It was worth the wait, this is the duo's best effort to date.
Easy listening: Boat Behind, Mrs. Cold, Renegade

6. Passion Pit - Manners
Self-described by the lead singer as a "thoughtful pop music" this album is just that. It is joyful, it is captivating, it makes you gotta gotta get up to get down! This album offers something for every occasion. The falsetto of every vocal line paired with the numerous keyboards, and rock beats drive this record to your heart and booty. This album is what pop music ought to sound and feel like (i.e. far more evocative than the pop tripe of Owl City or She Who Musn't Be Named [Lady Gaga]. Passion Pit has hit the scene strong with their first full length album, and they are here to stay!
Dope Beats: Little Secrets, Sleepyhead, The Reeling, Make Light

7. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz

Taking a turn toward the more mellow It's Blitz allowed the YYYs to explore a more minimalist sound thus showcasing the haunting beauty of Karen O's voice. For those of you who enjoyed her brilliant balladeering on the Where the Wild Things Are Soundtrack, It's Blitz will hit you in the heart. With a song like Heads Will Roll however, it is evident that YYY's penchant for the heavy-beat, guitar-riffin' and sexual-charged dance track is still ever-present in their music. This album overall represents a positive shift in the YYYs sound and demonstrates a maturity that assures them a place in the music spotlight for years to come.

Blitzy Titzy: Heads Will Roll (and the litany of remixes that followed), Hysteric, Skeletons, Zero

8. Dark Was The Night - A Red Hot Compilation

A brilliant project that all of you should look into. This album was coordinated by the guys from the band the National. The album can be summed up by the following: "get a bunch of dope indie musicians together and have them record unknown/B-sides to raise money for AIDS. The tracks include rarities, B-sides, and covers from artists ranging from Sufjan Stevens to Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings to
Red Hot Tunes: The Books w/ Jose Gonzalez - Cello Song; Dirty Projectors w/ David Byrne - Knotty Pine; Leslie Feist and Ben Gibbard - Train Song; Conor Oberst & Gillian Welch - Lua

9. The Decemberists - Hazards of Love

I have still only heard this epic tale in an All Songs Considered podcast recorded at SXSW 2009 where the Decemberists debuted this album in its entirety staged like a musical play. I have not needed the crisp and clean studio version to sell me on the genius of this album. At times Hazards is reminiscent of Crane Wife and flows onward with powerful storytelling this band is known for. I am sure someday I will have a listen to the studio cut, but in the meantime this live concert stands as an innovative and epic masterpiece.

10. Andrew Bird - Noble Beast
With few creative rivals, this man's genius was only recently realized for me as I watched his Austin City Limits performance on PBS. Weather it is plucking his violin like a banjo, whistling a 3-part harmony loop, or his combination of insightful lyrics and and a hauntingly beautiful voice, Andrew Bird is one of the most innovative musicians today. This album, although not as epic as Armchair Apocrypha, is nonetheless, pretty effin sweet.
Beast's Besties: Effigy, Anonanimal, Oh No, Fitz and Dizzyspells

i. Noteworthy Records/Honorable Mentions
Neko Case - Middle Cyclone

Dave Matthews Band - Big Whiskey & The Groogrux King
Givers - EP
Iron & Wine - Around the Well
Bon Iver - Blood Bank EP
Regina Spektor - Far
Volcano Choir - Unmap (Justin Vernon's (Bon Iver) new side project)
Mountain Goats - The Life of the World to Come
Jay-Z - The Blueprint III
St. Vincent - Actor
Brooke Waggoner - Go Easy Little Doves

Doves - Kingdom of Rust
Swell Season - Strict Joy


ii. "Good Stuff" I didn't get to: In the words of Analrapist Dr. Tobias Fünke, these albums had lots of "talk around the water cooler" in 2009, but I was unable able to give them a full listen. "God if I hear another thing about that Low Anthem I am gonna scream!"

The xx- xx
Monsters of Folk - Monsters of Folk
The Low Anthem - Oh My God, Charlie Darwin
Lily Allen - It's not me, it's you
Tegan & Sara - Sainthood
The Dead Weather - Horehound

¡con todo mi vida!

Blogging, shit. I guess I haven't fallen into the groove I'd hoped for. After numerous weeks of incredible experiences, new friendships, and great challenges I have been unable to motivate myself to 'blog' about it. I am hopeful that this post, although unplanned will kick-start something.

Today I went to a Sunday morning church service for just the second time since I have been here. John, Tracy, and I went to the 11:15 AM service at All Souls Unitarian Church. It was the first time I have ever been to a Unitarian service and I was quite impressed. Atop the single-fold (four page) bulletin was the day's theme: "For All That Is Our Life." This set the tone for the service as the opening 'ringing of the bell' for those military and civilian lives lost in Iraq and Afghanistan tolled. The program alone was brimming with the social engagement, civic and ethic duty, and other challenging and inspiring feelings, which I believe religious communities, should value most.

The worship music was mostly jazz. This was fantastic. The very animated black man who directed the choir and an older white gentleman, who jammed out on both the piano and alto sax, drove the passion of the music and were accompanied by a 20-person choir.

I think what was most inspirational about this entire service was it felt like true religious pluralism. The church was a place for people of faith to share in one another’s humanity and just be. It was not required that we knew 400 year old liturgical hymns nor necessary that we subscribe to antiquated and exclusive traditions like communion. We didn't spout creeds that we (the congregation and me included) don't actually understand, let alone believe and otherwise repeat merely out of respect to years of muscle memory. We didn't say the Lord's prayer. The congregational prayer and silent meditation, instead felt more meaningful and heartfelt than that of any other service I’d previously attended.

I would have expected to be 'on guard' and not open to be impacted by a brand new church on day one. But numerous times I teared up. I think that had a lot to do with the welcoming environment that I truly felt.

The sermon drove home what I loved about the whole experience. It was given by one of the two full-time pastors. Although there are some days when the sermon may be given by a professor, social activist, or other church/community member. The theme of the sermon spoke to me in three ways, simultaneously:
1) why I am in DC and doing a program like Lutheran Volunteer Corps working at an incredible place like TMA;

2) how incredible my experiences, friendships and life in DC are becoming; and

3) how much I love the people in my home communities and how much I still thrive off of their presence in my life.

The theme was: 'Gratitude for unmerited gift of life.’ The reading in preface to the sermon was the poem "The Healing Time" by Pesha Gertler.

The Healing Time

Finally on my way to yes
I bump into
all the places
where I said no
to my life
all the untended wounds
the red and purple scars
those hieroglyphs of pain
carved into my skin, my bones,
those coded messages
that send me down
the wrong street
again and again
where I find them
the old wounds
the old misdirections
and I lift them
one by one
close to my heart
and I say holy
holy.


Rev. Hardies followed the poem a story of a child blessing (the Uni. version of a baptism) he'd done last fall for a Spanish family. When he'd asked the child's grandmother (a native Spanish speaker) if she would agree to the challenge of caring for this child through sickness, health, good times and bad...instead of the automated response “yes,” which he expected, and usually receives, the grandmother looked at her grandson Gael and said, with tears welling in her eyes: "con todo mi vida." Con todo mi vida. In Spanish, this phrase means literally 'with all my life.'

This story and reminder of this life ethic helped me think about exactly why I am here. I have been the undeserved recipient of not just the gift of life, but also the incredible gift of love. I believe one of my greatest strengths in life is my patience and willingness to connect with others and to express and share the love in me with them. I am here; I am myself, as you all know me, doing just that. I live with five beautiful, thoughtful and concerned people. We are a community committed to social justice, community, and sustainability. I love it. I am happy. I breathe fresh autumn air every morning as I walk four blocks to the metro station where I ride the green line for 9 stops.

I get off each morning at Anacostia and walk across the street to Thurgood Marshall Academy. I work in the Programs office with four other incredible people. Two, just like me doing other yearlong service corps programs… the other two bosses in title, but mentors and friends in nature. We work with incredible students everyday in our numerous out of school time (OST) programs that include clubs, field trips, sports, community service organizations, and law-related extra curricular activities.

The people around have already shown me I can thrive here. I am because we are. The ubuntu ethic is ever present in my day-to-day life. I have begun to realize my role in the new communities I am a part of as well as my continued challenge to actively participate in my relationships with those people back in Washington State. I love this challenge because I have people in and around my life that encourage and support me to be strong and committed to the life I am leading.

I thank you all for your support in this journey I have begun and hope that these words shed light how my experience has thus far impacted me.

A New Blog

I haven't used this blog since I returned home (to the US) from Norway in December 2007. Truthfully, I didn't even use it much in Norway. I had this realization that coincided with my observation of the ever-expanding "blogosphere": No one cares about everyday people's whining - which, I have found most blogs to be. Rather than insightful, blogs have become public domain, yet remain impenetrable and a comfortable space where attention starved people find an outlet to vomit their inane insecurities in hopes that they might 'connect' with a similarly 'angsty' individual who feels their pain and understands their problems.

Well, everyone has problems, and it is perverse to think that a digital stranger might help. Further, if your audience is people that you know, write them a letter or give them a call, if you really desire a thoughtful ear. And no matter how many hours someone pours into their blog, in hopes of pursuing true reflection and personal discovery, that person on the other end of a flickering screen doesn't care. It's not that they don't want to, they genuinely might, the limitations of digital contact and 'profiled' personalities however, inhibit real empathy and understanding. For example, how many people have looked at short, non-punctuated text messages and thought is the other person simply being brief or are they being sarcastic, or are they pissed off at me? As such, I want to establish this baseline understanding of what my blog (and all blogs really) will and should be.

I began this blog with the title of "Big Questions." Although a seemingly arrogant prompt on the surface, yet within, my intentions are that this space will become a two-way road. I want it to be an outlet for these daunting, frustrating questions about humanity that I continually wrestle with and have plagued human consciousness for thousands of years. These are questions that we all see around us, yet few are willing to spend a life asking them and refining them. Most settle for some misconceived notion of certainty...I suppose its to sleep best at night. Yet in no foreseeable future will these questions be answered, and they are the lifeblood that drives the curiosity of human intellect and emotion. Hey, there's one such question embedded in that statement even, 'how are reason and emotion aligned within human beings both psychologically and physiologically?' At any rate, I want this (my blog - and your responses) to be an outlet for continual questioning. While narrowing and refining questions, we will discover bigger and further unanswerable questions. We will call upon our experiences to enhance the application and relevance of these questions into our lives. We use reason to deduce the logical and illogical paths that these questions often take. We pursue the lofty ideals of faith, truth, justice, and peace which act as principles and guiding light throughout our inquisitions.

Communication like this will allow us to maintain contact that is meaningful and isn't merely a sharing of the specifics from our day. Frankly, I can look up the weather online. We owe it to ourselves, our relationships, and our shared intellects to use this forum to be more than its prescribed to be. Although I won't see you all everyday, let's use this tool to help us continue to explore the ongoings of our heads and challenge each other, like we so often have.

In closing, I would like you all to know that I am settled into DC and am very happy, maybe the happiest I have been in years. The specifics of my job, housemates, and this exciting city will all emerge when appropriate. I will also share photos through my photo site and discuss the people and experiences I am a part of and I expect that you will do the same. So, rather than inundate you with all facts about "this new chapter in my life" (CheeseTown), let's communicate where we left off and respect the core of our connection and friendship. Oh, and one last important thing about the specifics of our lives, PLEASE share with me what books you are reading, music you are listening to, movies or theatre that you've seen...as you reflect upon them.

I miss and love you all.



p.s. Check out this YouTube video...it is Ingrid Michaelson doing a cover of Radiohead's Creep, on ukulele = BRILLIANT.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcoj5PWFMZg

p.p.s. I am seeing her in a couple of weeks because my roommate John got us in to work backstage at the show at his alma mater!

Finding the words for goodbye...

This semester has been an emotional roller coaster. With the independence of this program I have been given four months to better understand myself. In many respects, I have been happy with what I have found. In nearly all of my contemplation, introspection, and perceived transformation, I have noticed a consistent theme: community. To be at my best, I need a stronger community around me. Those who I care about and am interested to work with and I will take a lead, and can do incredible things.

Now, in my final hour in Norway I have found such a pull between these two communities in my life. My mind wanders to the people and places I call home to which I will soon return. I have been absent these four months and require a reacclimatization period. Thus, I need to put in considerable thought about how I fit back into that place with those people. However, I can't help but feel like I should be thinking of my last moments here in Hamar and live them to their fullest potential. Stepping back however, I realize the importance of both. Moreover, I must find the necessary balance for my optimal transition. I can't wallow in guilt of leaning on one community more than the other. Both are a huge part of my life and it is necessary to understand how they fit together. Reasonably, that wont be an overnight happening. It is and will continue to be a process.

Tomorrow will be my last entire day in Norway and it is incredible to think that I have lived here for four months now. That is a decent amount of time and so much has happened in my home during that time. Coming back to the aftermath of the PNW's massive storm will be eerie because I have heard so little about it here. I have felt so much more the global citizen watching BBC this fall. However, it is interesting to see how isolated people on Earth still are. The impact of this storm is close to my heart and personally impacted many people I know and love...yet from this angle the world has not batted an eye...hell, it took Bush five days.

I guess my point is, that in many ways I have felt smaller and more insignificant and simultaneously realized the numerous ways in which I can make an individual difference on this planet. This semester has been incredible time to realize that the community I value is not the true picture I imagine without me in it. That statement might sound a bit conceded at first, but I believe in my heart that to truly be able to feel humbled by our individual minuscule being whether on the Earth, through the Universe, or in the eyes of God we must first explore our potential for positive impact and influence on others. Life is about embracing or passion and letting it fuel our talents. With those talents we can change the world.

I suppose these simple yet profound philosophies have not come for the first time during these four months but perhaps this experience that has finally given me reason to actually believe them.

I can't begin to explore how Hamar will feel once I am gone, but I know it will never be the same. When I return, down the road, I wont have the same family here that I have had these four months. This place has been a unique spot on this earth to isolate myself just enough and gain some incredible emotional insight. I have learned so much about my discomfort with loneliness and its many ugly forms. I have learned about the pain that results from distance, and being with loved ones. This pain cannot, unfortunately be subdued by the unending 'fantastic-ness' of Skype. This pain I feel has resulted from the lack of emotional depth with loved one's at home. I miss the dynamics and emotion that I would have otherwise shared with so many people.

I have had to explore these feelings in a new group of different, and now, close friends. This has required all of us here to embrace one another and use this shared experience to connect and understand. As such, I look forward to this life challenging transition and synthesizing my Norway community with my PLU, Aberdeen, and family communities. Yes I am done with this semester abroad and I may never live in Hamar or Norway again but I must allow the time I lived and breathed in Norway, to continue to affect my life and impact my decision-making. It is now a part of me and whether or not I ever called it home, it has become one.

Leaving the snow tomorrow and all the little children in their 'one-zees' will be difficult for many reasons and easy for others. This semester has shown me that I adapt to my surroundings and thrive when I am. It has also shown me that my ultimate surrounding includes a number of impacting people who were absent these four months. I want to run around and do what I love to help the world, I just need all of you to do it.

Thank you again for your patience with my lack of blogging this semester. Thanks for entertaining my rambling. Just maybe you were able to find some diamonds amidst all the rough...if not, I hope you have at least enjoyed a look inside this head of mine and the impact this experience has had on my life.

Kyle

Giving Thanks

I didn't realize how important Thanksgiving was to me until I found myself on a train in rural Sweden (my 8th in two days) this past Thursday. Danes, Swedes and Norwegians all either sat quietly looking out the window, or simply had a nap. Beyond the obvious fact that Thursday was only special to Americans at home and all of us abroad, our seat reservations were in the ‘quiet car.’

So as I sat there in silence for four hours and noticed how little any of the people around me were impacted by the day that had always been something special to me, I realized that the importance of holidays are about being with people you love. We have all the fancy décor and inexplicable traditions on the surface, but at the heart holidays are really about congregation, comfort, and love. It is funny (not Ha-ha, but odd) that it took feeling so small and far away from Thanksgiving to understand its impact on me. It was however, a raw and poignant reminder of the theme I have identified while studying abroad this semester. That being: ‘I am my best when I surround myself with the people I love.’

I have always heard that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and thus, time apart from those you love can often provide the necessary reflection to ‘truly’ appreciate them. This semester, I have taken this idea a step further and realized that I am not quite myself when I am not around the people who have shaped me. Thanksgiving day was the most definitive example from this semester. As such, it was such a delightful surprise to get back to Hamar that night and find the rest of our American group (and one of the Namibians) waiting for us with dinner prepared. I hadn’t been in the door for more than two minutes and I was asked to ‘cut up the bird.’ It was definitely one of my happiest moments from this semester, and one that I will definitely remember. It was nice that such feelings of comfort and belonging came on a day that had been heavy with loneliness and the discomfort of traveling.

I got calls that night from both Ingrid and my family, messages from the Base Camp crew and lots of fun within our Hamar family. I was riding high and it was all so unexpected. After everything I felt that day, I have promised myself that I will work hard to relax and enjoy the Christmas holiday and take advantage of spending time with my loved ones. That being said, I have a mere 15 days to finish things up here in Norway and come back home.

It is pretty remarkable how quickly this time has gone by. Although my program has not been all that intellectually stimulating, I have learned so much about my current surroundings and myself. I traveled to five countries while living here and visited probably two-dozen Norwegian cities/municipalities. I have learned about the indigenous people of Norway while kayaking in the Arctic.

I am so thankful for all of you back home, and my friends here in Norway. Your support during this semester has at the core of my success. This whole thing has been a humbling experience. I never felt much loneliness when I was traveling in South Africa, or traveling this summer. I suppose it was because it felt like traveling the whole time. Here, I had to move into this dingy apartment and live a normal life. Soon, I realized that it wasn’t so bad, but found myself comparing to home to my current situation and how this was lacking from my usual semester. Being an otherwise optimistic and active person, the onset of this dismal attitude spawned an incredible amount of laziness and repetition. I ate the same foods, and I did the same things (e.g. wasted a lot of time online). But it was hitting that low that allowed me to learn about myself, and how I deal with change. Even though I knew I was coming to Norway, I will still resistant to it, mentally speaking. I found many parallels between this semester and my first semester at PLU. I really wanted to be there, but many of my thoughts would be stuck yearning for the structure of old, and what I had left. As such, that attitude would almost inhibit me and make me reticent to try/do new things…let alone doing those with my usual passion and conviction.

Going through this during my senior year however has been fantastic and will be a good transition through graduation in May. Considering the different academic program this semester, I am anxious to return to PLU’s way of doing things. I think the laziness of the past few months might has been my “senior-itis,” of sorts. Instead of spending my last entire year and PLU and feeling burnt out, I will have had this nice break from the usual academic and social track and now I will be able to thrive and appreciate everything at PLU during my final semester.

Looking back now, I wish I would have blogged more often. It would have been helpful to voice a lot of this crap on my mind. All of your comments and reassuring words along the way have been so helpful. Yet, a reoccurring theme from all of you has been that ‘this is your time for you, Kyle,’ as such, maybe it was best that I kept a lot of this crap to myself and learned how I deal with it. Although, I believe that we (humans) have no purpose without each other, it is extremely valuable to be able to learn about your individual capacity and its corresponding relation to everyone else. My time in Norway will be remembered for this reason. Considering my expectations and plans, I am disappointed that I am not as good at journaling and blogging as I would like to be, but they gives me something to work.

At this point, I can’t quite give a full summary of everything I have gained or lost. I imagine that for the next few years I will continue to fit the pieces together and realize just how much living in a foreign country as a student has affected me.

Two weeks from tonight I will be in Oslo watching Al Gore accept the Nobel Peace prize. After that, I will take my last of probably more than 100 trains to the Gardemoen airport. In the mean time, I have a few tests, a few papers, collect some things, say ‘good-byes’ and from all of that see what I bring back home.

Working with time

Now don't get me wrong. Things have been, and continue to be much more relaxed in Norway as far as time and planning are concerned. Our class schedule is basically the only structured 10, or so, hours we have each week. However, maybe it is the death-march of insanely long papers and their due dates fast approaching, the planned activities for the rest of the weekends, or the random 'hey guys, only six weeks left,' but time feels like it is flying.

It's odd. Because it seems like ages since I have seen loved ones at home. So long in fact, that it is hard to put that distance of time and space into perspective. Yet, the program and time in Norway is passing so quickly, I know that I will be home before I know it. As such, rather than letting those kind of thoughts consume my in-the-moment experience here, I need to take better control of the time I have here and challenge myself.

I have completed more than half of my semester abroad and I am finally starting to realize that every element of this term is what I make of it. There is very little guidance or even motivation from teachings, mentors, friends (like I am used to at home). As such, this lack of external incentive thrusts that responsibility upon my lap. So whether it is choosing to allot time to read the material, work on papers, blog, plot out sustainability stuff for the spring, think about graduation and what the hell I am going to do with my life, or simply where we are going out for a drink...all of those decisions are mine to make.

I believed this from the beginning but after some experience here I know now that studying abroad for a semester is not about academic stimulation. The majority of the learning takes place outside of the classroom and the main subject is me. I have already discussed at length what I have learned about myself as a traveler and group leader. I have learned more about my eating habits, need to exercise regularly, and complacency that thrives when people don't challenge me. I think because I live here now, it is much easier to do nothing if I want, then I ever thought it could be.

As such, to better center myself and feel more productive, I am scheduling out daily slots for exercise (run and bike mostly) and want to begin yoga at a more regular rate consider this silly $25 mat I bought. Also, I need to have a scheduled time to be more productive for school. That has been a challenge considering the material we cover is so rich and presented in such an uninspiring way. I really believe that all situations can be greatly impacted by my personal outlook, goals and general disposition. Therefore, it is imperative in my time remaining that I embrace this opportunity as one where I construct and administer my own challenges and obstacles...because if I sit around waiting for someone else to do it, I will be here for a long time.

I am off to pick up a package from my mom, mail some letters, go grocery shopping and then head out for a run. It is a beautiful crisp, sunny day. It is just about 40F and the world seems to make a bit more sense.

Embracing Loneliness

It's been quite too long since I have written. I wrote so often early on and now I think I have made 2 posts in the last month. So, with the day off, I have to write. Not only to I have an obligation to the readers and loved ones interested in my life, but for my mental health as well. The therapeutic feelings of reflecting through journaling have been absent from my life lately. As such, I find myself more irritable and far less optimistic and confident about my life. It has been my experience that the less I actively reflect upon my experiences the more likely I am to wallow in the surface level, negative feelings.

Now many might argue with me that a true pessimist is one who analyzes life to a point beyond the surface and sees the true, often dismal intentions and actions of people. Yet, my nature of questioning and challenging my life as well as others empowers me mostly because I treasure the ability to do so. Having a good conversation with one other person for me will often leave me with more questions then I came in with. This to me is the ultimate reward of human connection. The fresh, new ideas that result from that connection is what fuels me daily. Therefore, when I am lacking such reflection and connection I assume a default 'glass is half empty outlook,' and forget to ask questions like 'perhaps the glass is simply twice as big as it should be?' (Shout out to DHue)

The connection that I have formed with many of friends here in Norway has been quite rewarding and has been shaping me in news ways from friends and loved ones at other places and times in my life. However, the cost of forming these friendships has been distancing myself from so many people that I love. Lately, I have had what for me can be described as my first full-blown homesickness. Now, the term was thrown around a lot during my childhood, but often I was just across the street at Luke's, or at the Worth's and considering the proximity of my supposed distance, I could never really commit to 'legitimate' homesickness. Even, my freshman year of college when I was living away from home, my roommate and I weren't hitting it off and I was told that my mom had been diagnosed with cancer, I still had but 72 miles between me and home. Recalling on that time however, the situation was greatly eased having Ingrid during down the hall in Pflueger and 4 of 5 other Base Campers as neighbors.

Right now however, is a different ball game. With Cole's surgery, Ingrid's new job and life, Base Camper's Sr. year, Whitney choosing a study abroad location all happening whilst I am so far away...I am overwhelmed with the anxiety that I am missing these pivotal moments in my loved one's lives. And although I am comforted by all of the aforementioned individuals that "what you are doing and where you are Kyle is important for you and your growth as an individual," with these feelings of separation from 'home' I am beginning to realize how much of 'me' is defined by others.

At this point many of you might scoff and say, 'Kyle, you are the one who is comfortable in any situation and your confidence and passion make you adjust and thrive anywhere.' Although I generally agree with this confidence booster, after being here for two months now, I believe that I am at 80%. It is as though this distance from loved ones is decreasing the energy that I otherwise feed off of from them.

I have been feeling this way more and more after my mom left. She was here two weeks ago for my mid semester holiday. We took a cruise from Stockholm, Sweden to Helsinki, Finland. It was a lovely trip. We went on incredible site seeing tours, had unbelievable meals and had great conversation. She was such a great travel partner. Our styles are quite compatible and our pace for the week was great. After everything we did I can say with great confidence that Stockholm was my favorite. I had just been two and half weeks prior, with a group of 8 for a weekend trip and I love it. It is a city comprised of 14 islands and much of its old architecture remains and gives the city unprecedented character. Considering it location and I believe the time of year, it is the most beautiful place I have been in my life. We stayed at Hotel Rival, the first boutique hotel in Sweden owned by Benny Andersson of ABBA fame. It was such a neat place and relatively inexpensive (considering the region of the world). Our first night we went to this great French/Sweden restaurant called Bistro Sud. Amazing.

Mom and I came back to Norway and we spent some casual days in Hamar so she could get a feel for my day-to-day life. We woke up to snow on our third day, originally planned for Oslo. It was great to stay in and watch a lot of Heroes with her. We cooked meals together, played far too much Gin Rummy and went on some great bike rides. Hamar was in perfect form and she got some great days to see the beauty of this country. On her last full day we did a walking, self-guided tour of Oslo and saw Karl Johans, the palace, Acker Brygge, the fort, and of course Vigelandsparken. The next morning I saw her off on Flytoget (the airport train) at 5:30 AM. I got some great pictures along the way and I have recently created a new photo album on my online site. Here is the link to it if you need it again. http://kylemorean.myphotoalbum.com/albums.php

As I have sat here typing this I have been thinking of more ways to inspire myself and push on despite my distance from and longing for my loved ones. It is a quite real experience and adjustment I have made living here. It has reminded me of the importance of three things:
1) To remain focused, happy and confident I need to write and reflect on my experiences more in journal form, when I don’t have my close friends to have the lengthy conversation with, which otherwise provide that reflection medium.
2) How important my friends and loved are to my happiness and life. My disconnection from their lives and desire to know how they are doing needs to be channeled through all of the fantastic forms of communication that exist (Facebook, email, skype). This way, I can continue to stay connected and feel like I am still a part of their lives.
3) It is a very real thing to be lonely. It is a state I am not terribly comfortable with. I have always been someone who prefers the company of fascinating people to my alone time. Yet, realistically I wont always be around my loved ones and this time in my life is an opportunity to build strength and learn that being lonely does not have to equate to being miserable. Because like an other feeling, emotion, or experience it is what I make of it.