Finding the words for goodbye...

This semester has been an emotional roller coaster. With the independence of this program I have been given four months to better understand myself. In many respects, I have been happy with what I have found. In nearly all of my contemplation, introspection, and perceived transformation, I have noticed a consistent theme: community. To be at my best, I need a stronger community around me. Those who I care about and am interested to work with and I will take a lead, and can do incredible things.

Now, in my final hour in Norway I have found such a pull between these two communities in my life. My mind wanders to the people and places I call home to which I will soon return. I have been absent these four months and require a reacclimatization period. Thus, I need to put in considerable thought about how I fit back into that place with those people. However, I can't help but feel like I should be thinking of my last moments here in Hamar and live them to their fullest potential. Stepping back however, I realize the importance of both. Moreover, I must find the necessary balance for my optimal transition. I can't wallow in guilt of leaning on one community more than the other. Both are a huge part of my life and it is necessary to understand how they fit together. Reasonably, that wont be an overnight happening. It is and will continue to be a process.

Tomorrow will be my last entire day in Norway and it is incredible to think that I have lived here for four months now. That is a decent amount of time and so much has happened in my home during that time. Coming back to the aftermath of the PNW's massive storm will be eerie because I have heard so little about it here. I have felt so much more the global citizen watching BBC this fall. However, it is interesting to see how isolated people on Earth still are. The impact of this storm is close to my heart and personally impacted many people I know and love...yet from this angle the world has not batted an eye...hell, it took Bush five days.

I guess my point is, that in many ways I have felt smaller and more insignificant and simultaneously realized the numerous ways in which I can make an individual difference on this planet. This semester has been incredible time to realize that the community I value is not the true picture I imagine without me in it. That statement might sound a bit conceded at first, but I believe in my heart that to truly be able to feel humbled by our individual minuscule being whether on the Earth, through the Universe, or in the eyes of God we must first explore our potential for positive impact and influence on others. Life is about embracing or passion and letting it fuel our talents. With those talents we can change the world.

I suppose these simple yet profound philosophies have not come for the first time during these four months but perhaps this experience that has finally given me reason to actually believe them.

I can't begin to explore how Hamar will feel once I am gone, but I know it will never be the same. When I return, down the road, I wont have the same family here that I have had these four months. This place has been a unique spot on this earth to isolate myself just enough and gain some incredible emotional insight. I have learned so much about my discomfort with loneliness and its many ugly forms. I have learned about the pain that results from distance, and being with loved ones. This pain cannot, unfortunately be subdued by the unending 'fantastic-ness' of Skype. This pain I feel has resulted from the lack of emotional depth with loved one's at home. I miss the dynamics and emotion that I would have otherwise shared with so many people.

I have had to explore these feelings in a new group of different, and now, close friends. This has required all of us here to embrace one another and use this shared experience to connect and understand. As such, I look forward to this life challenging transition and synthesizing my Norway community with my PLU, Aberdeen, and family communities. Yes I am done with this semester abroad and I may never live in Hamar or Norway again but I must allow the time I lived and breathed in Norway, to continue to affect my life and impact my decision-making. It is now a part of me and whether or not I ever called it home, it has become one.

Leaving the snow tomorrow and all the little children in their 'one-zees' will be difficult for many reasons and easy for others. This semester has shown me that I adapt to my surroundings and thrive when I am. It has also shown me that my ultimate surrounding includes a number of impacting people who were absent these four months. I want to run around and do what I love to help the world, I just need all of you to do it.

Thank you again for your patience with my lack of blogging this semester. Thanks for entertaining my rambling. Just maybe you were able to find some diamonds amidst all the rough...if not, I hope you have at least enjoyed a look inside this head of mine and the impact this experience has had on my life.

Kyle